At some point in every career, we face a moment that feels like a line in the sand. A job you don’t apply for because you’re not ready. An opportunity you pass on because you assume the answer will be no. A seat at the table you talk yourself out of asking for — not because you’re unqualified, but because you’re uncertain.
It’s in these moments that a good mentor can change everything.
Cynthia Scott, Group CEO of Zip, tells the story of one such moment. She had been serving as interim CEO at Barclays Australia/New Zealand for several months. The board was searching for a permanent hire, and she’d helped interview the candidates. But she hadn’t put her own name forward. Despite doing the job successfully, she told herself she wasn’t ready and assumed she wouldn’t be considered.
That’s when she called her mentor. And what followed was a lesson in reframing that would change the trajectory of her leadership journey.
Rejection is a Story We Tell Ourselves
When Cynthia voiced her reluctance, her mentor asked a simple but transformative question: “What are you afraid of?”
Her answer was immediate — and deeply familiar to anyone who’s ever held themselves back. “I don’t want to be told no.”
That word “no”, carries weight. It can feel like rejection, failure, embarrassment, proof that we’re not enough. For many, it’s not just a word; it’s a verdict. But her mentor invited her to think differently. What if no isn’t a verdict at all? What if it’s not the end, but the start of a much more useful conversation?
What followed was the sentence that stayed with Cynthia for the rest of her career:
“If someone says no, you’ve just been handed the best opportunity you’ll ever get — the chance to ask why.”
The Power of the Reframe
That single idea, that hearing ‘no’ is just information in disguise, became a cornerstone of Cynthia’s leadership style. And it speaks to a much larger principle: the power of reframing.
Reframing is the ability to take a belief, experience, or situation and look at it through a different lens. In leadership psychology, it’s one of the most critical tools for building resilience. What distinguishes high-performing leaders is rarely an absence of setbacks. It’s how they interpret those setbacks — not as signals to stop, but as data points for what to do next.
A good mentor knows this instinctively. They don’t just offer comfort; they offer perspective.
What Great Mentors Really Do
There’s a misconception that mentoring is about handing down advice. A transfer of knowledge from the experienced to the inexperienced. But in reality, mentoring is more about asking the questions no one else will.
Cynthia describes her mentors as mirrors. Not people who told her what to do, but people who helped her hear what she was already saying, and challenge the unhelpful parts of that internal narrative.
A mentor doesn’t say, “Here’s what I would do.” They say, “What’s stopping you?”
They help you to see your own thinking more clearly.
In Cynthia’s case, her mentor didn’t dismiss her fear. She reframed it. If the outcome is a no, it’s not personal, it’s a chance to understand what’s missing. What would you need to show, do, or demonstrate to turn that no into a yes? Once you start asking those kinds of questions, your power returns.
Why Reframing Matters More Than Ever
Reframing is especially crucial for underrepresented groups in leadership — people who may not see themselves in the roles they aspire to. Not because they aren’t capable, but because they’ve internalised an idea about what they have been invited to do or not.
But readiness isn’t a permission slip, it’s a mindset. The ability to reframe self-doubt, is what keeps careers moving forward. Mentors who help reframe those beliefs aren’t just supporting growth, they’re unlocking it.
Making Reframing Practical
So how do you apply this principle, either as a mentor or as someone navigating your own career?
Here are three reframing strategies inspired by Cynthia’s experience:
1. Ask for the “why”
If you’ve been passed over for a promotion, a role, or a key project, resist the urge to move on quietly. Instead, ask: “What would I have needed to demonstrate, for you to say yes?”
This shifts the dynamic from passive disappointment to active learning.
2. Anticipate the no — and work backwards
Before you even make a request or submit your name for an opportunity, think through the possible objections. Then ask yourself: What would I need to prove to address these concerns?
It transforms uncertainty into strategy and preparedness.
3. Reframe the response as a redirection
Whilst a ‘ no’ may be difficult to come to terms with, sometimes it can actually mean ‘not right now’. It may even redirect you towards the next opportunity which could be better suited and more aligned to your strengths and areas of passion.
Hearing ‘No’ Isn’t the End — It’s a Question
The next time you hesitate to put your hand up, apply for a stretch role, or take a risk because you fear the answer will be no, take a moment to pause.
Ask yourself what Cynthia was asked:
“What are you really afraid of?”
Then reframe the no. Let it help you learn, grow, and lead with more clarity than before. Because behind every no is a better question. And sometimes, the right mentor is the one who teaches you how to ask it.
These insights into mentoring were part of a wide ranging conversation that MentorKey Founder and CEO, Maud Lindley, covered in conversation with Cynthia Scott, Group CEO ZIP, on the Mentoring Unlocked podcast. Tune in for many more insights into how to unlock successful mentoring: https://mentorkey.com.au/podcast-mentoring-unlocked/